I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
