What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
