I accidentally burped into my bong.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
