absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize