Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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