never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
