I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
