You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
