I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
