God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
