help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
