Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize