I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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