so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
