I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
