Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
