hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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