Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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