I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
