Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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