I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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