I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
