i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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