He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize