I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize