I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
