Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
