My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
