i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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