Got a toothbrush?
too bad you live with your parents still
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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