At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
