I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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