First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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