Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize