I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I am available for nakedness
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
