Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
