So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
