9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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