I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize