Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
