all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
