Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
