Define "chronic" masturbator.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
