I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
