wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
