dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
