if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
