Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
