you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
