wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
