I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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