new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i drank out of a bidet.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
