You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Randomize
