The maid of honor just puked.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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