I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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