i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
