3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
