I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
