and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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