1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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