I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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