Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
