Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
