If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
