Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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