im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
