Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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